there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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