I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
