she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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