Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
