I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
