Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
