I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
