Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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