So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
