Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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