She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
