I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
