Define "chronic" masturbator.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
no you cant smoke seaweed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
