I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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