I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
