I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
