apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
