You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
