did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
