Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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