just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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