well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
