i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
