I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
