forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
jump out the window naked night went bad
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
