:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
