tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
