So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
