2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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