dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
did i walk over a car last night?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
