The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
