i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
