I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
