I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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