so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
