His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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