mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
