You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
do herpes really smell.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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