I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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