He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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