We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
