The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
