Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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