woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
