i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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