he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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