maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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