Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i've created a new STD.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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