dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
