I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
