My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
