I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
