I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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