goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
